28 – Lorene Scafaria
weird… i started out my twenties engaged in what i can only describe as a desperate pursuit towards perfection. i would love to say that i grew tired of that after the first few years, (hehe as so many people close to me did) but it seems that i almost wasted away a decade of my life trying to find that better version of myself. I don’t know…i just always felt that one of these days, or in this case, one of these years, was gonna be MY year. I suppose this is why i always had problems celebrating my birthday. Where others would spend their special day in celebration of another year of possibility, i would take the negative route of seeing the day as a reminder of how another year has passed and i have yet again failed to grow another year wiser.
today i turned 29…and after a weekend of trying to abide by zombieland rule #32 ‘enjoy the little things” (i.e. spending time with friends and family, taking a personal day off from work to do absolutely nothing but veg and watch almost an entire season of 24 and “cardio” if you count lifting back a few beers as exercise) i think i’ve finally found the sense of peace that i was looking for almost nine years ago…and surprisingly its not because i feel that i have in any way changed or become a significantly better version of myself. It’s kind of like this song I’ve had in my head all day…its about a girl who can’t wait to be 28, because she seems to think that one day she’ll grow up and things will get easier and she’ll have a better understanding of who she is by then..that 28 is the year that she’ll finally turn things around. I’ve felt like that girl, but this year i think i’ll decide to just relax and enjoy the fact that i don’t need to have everything figured out today or in a year, because that’s just life…and if we had everything perfect and figured out then we wouldn’t need tomorrow. (in short, its time to nut up or shut up)
Who knows what will happen this year, or how i feel this time next year when i reach the big 3-0. I hope i’ll be smart enough to read this, and remember how i feel today – that i’m most happiest when i feel life isn’t a race to some finish line and that every year we get to share with the people we care about is a gift.
~tell everyone that they’ll just have to wait til i turn 29,
things are gonna be fine at 29~
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If My Life Had a Soundtrack 